Barbara

After writing about my mom and sharing it with some friends, Lindy told me I should write something about Barbara. As I wrote before, Barbara was such a love and support to me during the horrendous time of moms time in the hospital and her passing. It was pretty much this time that she adopted me and she became my second mom.

Fats was having problems with his breathing and it was getting worse. A few months after the funeral Barbara called me and told me they had taken Fats to the hospital and asked me if I could pick her up and take me there which I did of course. We were told he was in ICU and as we were heading there it was getting harder and harder for me to walk toward the door leading into the area because I had been there so many times and had gone in there so many times before when mom was there. We walked in and they told us what room he was in. Out of 9 rooms they had there what were the chances they put him into the same room mom was in the whole time, the same room she died in. I remember I really didn't see Fats laying there, I was just looking around the room the whole time. I think he only had to spend a couple of days in the hospital before he got to go home.

In Sept. 00, I was at work and got a call from Barbara's next door neighbor who informed me that Fats died and was wondering if I could come over. Barbara and Fats had their own rooms for years and I guess Fats got up in the night to go to the bathroom and collapsed and died right away. By the time I got to her house the paramedics had his body in the ambulance and were about ready to leave. I think Barbara was pretty much in a state of shock and was going about doing things like she does every morning. I'm not clear on the "what came first" order of things but I do remember kind of taking charge until Gail got there. I notified the funeral home, had Barbara start calling her family and even started writing his obituary. By late afternoon Gail and Steve had gotten there so I let them take over because it was starting to really get to me since it had been less then 6 months after mom passed away.

I kept tabs on Barbara by calling her every so often and visa versa. She had me come over to get her Christmas decorations out and helped get her a tree and decorate it. Then when the time came I helped her take it down and put everything away. In the spring we went out looking for flowers for her to plant in her planters and yard. We went from nursery to nursery looking for petunias that had "fragrance". I got them planted for her, cleaned out her fountain and swept the patio so she could get ready for spring. Then there was the time when she bought a Bow Flex and I got the honor to set it up for her in the back bedroom. That only took most of the day but she got some pleasure from it.

In the meantime I had met Kal at a New Years Eve party in Denver and we were starting to see each other. Although he was in Albuquerque and I was in Fort Collins one of us would make the trip up and down I-25 to see each other.

Easter in 2001 was in April and Barbara and I flew to Charlotte to see Wendy and the girls and celebrate Wendy's birthday as well. We spent a few nights in Charlotte and then drove down to Charleston, SC for a few nights too. We had a nice time except for the times we had to spend with Joel but that's another story. They all gave me a hard time because Kal and I were phoning each other at least twice a day, usually more. Of course every night ended up with a card game which was Barbara's signature item of pleasure.

There was one day that I will never forget and it was the year anniversary of mom's passing. Barbara didn't want me to be alone and asked me if I wanted to go out to dinner with her and see a show at the Lincoln Center. I think it was A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum. We went to Pobre Pancho's for Mexican food and I couldn't believe that on the way out of the restaurant we ran into Dr. Guadanaoli, the creep that did my mom's heart surgery. Of all days to run into him, that was unbelievable. We went to the show and our seats were literally in the very last row at the end. It didn't matter to me, what mattered was being with Barbara.

We had decided that Kal was going to take a week off and come up to Colorado for his birthday. I thought this would be the perfect time to take the "Barbara Test". If I was going to get into another relationship, whoever it was going to be had to meet Barbara and get her endorsement. So Kal met us at the airport when we flew back from Charlotte. He was tired so I drove home and Barbara was in the back seat crocheting and talking. I would hear her voice in the back seat, "So Kal, did Kevin ever tell you the time when Keith was four years old and ... ..." When he said no, she proceeded to tell the whole story in her great detail. When we got Barbara back to her house she took Kal down the hall way of photographs and told him who everyone was and a little story about it too. He was so gracious and kind to her which I greatly appreciated so long story short, Kal passed the "Barbara Test."

About a month later I made the decision to move to Albuquerque to be with Kal. Needless to say Barbara was happy for me but at the same time very sad that I was going to leave.

Birthday month and other April musings

Well, birthday month has started. Francine's birthday was on Mar. 31 and we haven't done anything yet except for going out to lunch the other day. I guess the "party" is going to be this Sat. the 10th. Kal's birthday is the 17 and I don't know what he wants to do. Quiet sounds good to me but I'm sure not for him. Eric's at the end of the month so it's too soon to worry about that one yet.

Easter was yesterday and Kal and I went to the sunrise service at church. It really takes away from the service when Kal continually peers over his shoulder thinking his mom is going to walk in at any moment. She is always late and thinks nothing of it. I think she believes it is cute and funny but it isn't.

Then there was the "Primo" bull shit. A few weeks ago Kal decided to offer Primo the olive branch and open up communications with him again. Less then a week after the initial phone call Primo asked Kal to give him a reference for an apartment he was trying to rent. Kal lied for him and told them he paid his bills on time blah blah. Then Kal asked me if it was alright with me if we asked Primo over for breakfast on Easter. I agreed and Kal called him up. From what I understand he hemmed and hawed and told Kal he would call him back later. When he did call Kal was in the bathroom so I picked up the phone. After a hesitation Primo said, "Hi Kevin this is Art can I talk to my primo?" That's it, nothing more, nothing less so I handed the phone to Kal. That ungrateful mother fucker told Kal that he didn't want to come over for breakfast because he would feel uncomfortable in our house but wanted to get together with Kal alone sometime for lunch or something. What that said to me is he didn't want to see me because I'm sure he thinks I am the one behind not letting him move back into our house two years ago. Well, long story short, he will not come over to our house ever again and I don't care if I never see him again.

They moved Francine's birthday party to Sat. the 10th and we had to go to their house. They said "no presents" but we decided to get her a Walmart gift card which I think is a good present. When it came to present time it was more then awkward when Tina gave Francine 10 Betty Boop gifts when the rest of us were told to bring nothing but using my favorite word whatever.

Kal gets so weirded out during "birthday month", he thought Eric was bitching to him about what we got Francine so he goes online and orders a $50 Betty Boop cookie jar to go with the $25 gift card making our "no presents" total $75 just to look good as far as I am concerned. Eric called me and asked if we were getting Francine something else for her birthday and since I had no idea Kal ordered this I told him no. Communication Boys! I really don't know who to believe, Kal says she is expecting more, Eric says keep it for Christmas (I agree) but just relax.

I started asking some of our friends and neighbors to come over to our house for Kal's birthday on the 17th. Since it was a Saturday it worked out well and decided to have a pot luck party for him at around 4 in the afternoon. I made Barbara's Block Party Beans for the meat eaters and chili relleno casserole for the vegies. Of all the dishes the relleno casserole went over the best (patting myself on the back). Nice group, very relaxed and I think everyone had a good time. No Drama! Yea! The only negative and this is my own personal opinion is that Eric and Francine should have gone with the "no present" rule because what they gave him is hid-day-oso. It is a Star Trek lamp with the Enterprise that rotates in front of a mirror and the shade is black with space ships, stars and the logo Star Trek in big letters on the front and back of it. I have no earthly (pun intended) idea where to put it. Maybe a different shade will help, I don't know.