Wackadoodles

People have told me I need to write about the wackadoodles I come across at work so here goes:

RETURNS

Sunflower has a policy that they will return just about anything and as cashiers we have the capability to refund, exchange, barter or whatever works to make the customer happy.  It wasn't long after I started I got my first "Are you fucking kidding me?" (AYFKM) return.  A lady came in with a bag of spoiled pears and informs me, "You know, I bought these pears a few weeks ago and you know what?  They went bad."

It wasn't much later I got probably the grossest return.  A lady comes in with a bag of lamb chop bones, a couple of cooked lamb chops along with the wrapping they came in mixed up in this greasy mess.  She told me that she bought 12 lamb chops and prepared them for guests at her house.  When she handed me the bag she told me that they were so bad they couldn't eat the last 3 chops.  She didn't have her receipt so I had to paw through the bones and meat to find the labels on the wrapping.  I love lamb chops but this was a bit much for me.

Then there was the man who bought four grape vine plants and brought them all back in clearly dead.  His reason he needed a refund was that he planted them and then went out of town for over a week and didn't have anyone to water them.  They died so he wanted his money back, and we did refund him.  AYFKM?

I'm checking out a lady and ask her if the onion in the bag was a sweet onion.  Her response was, "why would I put a sweet onion in my pot roast?"

Shortly after the store opened we would have long lines and of course we were all still learning at that point too.  So my cash register goes down and we move all the people over to another line where I attempt to sign into another register.  I'm unable to because even though the other register is down I'm technically still logged onto that one.  So we call for another cashier to come assist but clearly too much time has elapsed for one gentleman who just had a bag of lunch meat and he threw it at me and stormed out of the store.  He missed.

It was on my second to the last customer of the day and this woman came in telling me that she had just moved here and was a former massage therapist and wondered why we didn't carry a certain product.  She started to tell me it's name and that I should tell the person in charge we needed to carry this product.  I told her there was a suggestion box in the front of the store if she wanted to fill out a form with the information they would give it to the manager of that department for consideration.  Holy crap, she totally went ballistic at that point saying things like it's a sorry state of affairs when the customer has to work harder then the employees and she thought we were different but we were no better then going to Smiths or Albertsons.  I told her the form would be more reliable source then counting on me to remember exactly what she wanted.  Then I got, it was the employees now days don't want to do their job with her voice getting louder and louder.  I ask her if she would like to talk to the manager of the Natural Living department and I got a resounding no.  Then I said I'd be happy to call the store director over because she was clearly upset.  It was at that point I got the tried and true response, "I'll never shop here again."  My last customer made me feel better calling her a total bitch and a woman in the line next to mine gave me a hug.

 

adding more later

PIN PAD

What in the world is so hard about using the freeking pin pad in the grocery store?  Very seldom do the devices in our store allow the customer to use their fingers to touch in things like their PIN numbers so they have to use the stylus to enter in their information.  It usually goes like this; the customer swipes their card.  If they are on register 2 that can be a trick in of itself with the rude sound of "arrrahhh" instead of the sweet little "beep".  So when we get our beep and the customer starts punching the pad with their fingers with no luck.  I tell them to use the stylus or as I say "the stick".  Step one, they tap DEBIT and the next screen shows the numbers for them to enter their PIN.  Of course they start punching in their number with their fingers to no avail.  After that the screen has the question, "Do You Want Cash Back?  with the little YES / NO button that gets punched with their fingers with no luck once again.  This usually goes alright but every now and then I'll hear a gasp, "I don't want cash back!"  I reassure them they can tap cancel and start over.  Then there appears the dreaded question, "Is $amount OK?" with the little YES / NO buttons which naturally they use their fingers again to punch.  By now I'm getting my favorite questions or statements like, "What happens if I say no?"  or "No it's not alright, but what can I do?" or "How many questions do they have to ask?" or "Why can't these all these machines be the same?"

It's kind of the same way when they use a credit card instead of a debit card except when when the "Is $amount OK" we still go through the same finger problem with the YES / NO button before it says APPROVED.  After that appears the next screen pops up the signature area.  Then it's the "Why does it need my signature when it says I'm approved?" or my personal favorite "You know in some places you don't have to sign anything if it's under a certain amount."  Seriously, if I had $1.00 for every time I've heard that, my car would be paid off.

Other Pin Pad Observations

• Then there are those people who really must have some anger issues.  When they get that little stylus (the stick) in their hand they slam that device harder then a carpenter pounding nails into a building.
• Forgetting their pin number, they fumble around with 2 or 3 attempts then try another card and get angry at the cashier and go through the whole finger punching YES / NO routine again.
• People on their cell phone trying to operate the pin pad.  As much as they would like to think so, they really can't multi-task by talking and punching the pad with their fingers, oh wait they have to use the stick.  Then when the next screen appears they are talking away and are unaware of what's going on.  I usually have to point to the screen for them.  Hello, you aren't done yet.
• They slide their card and it gives them the arrrahhh sound that it didn't go through while I'm still checking their groceries.  They do it again with the same result then it's the up and down up and down about seven or eight times with the little blue screen showing up with the stop sign and the arrrahhh arrrahhh going on then sometimes I'll hear the little "beep" and they ask, "this is only going to go through once isn't it?"

Holy Crap

Oh Holy Crap,
It has been in the works for months if not years about letting MIL move in here, I always thought and we had talked about when the time came that she couldn't take care of the horses she couldn't take care of herself. I knew last year when she rented her house out and was going to live with Sharon it would come to a screaming halt. The only thing that amazed me was that it lasted nearly 10 months before she got the bootarinno. Then she lived with another lady for less then a week or so.

Yesterday 4-5-12 Kal gets a call from his mom to let her into the house to take a shower while he was at work. Of course he drops everything to let her into the house. I come home after work and see her folder and a cup of water and think what da??? She comes by after I get home and I can hear from the kitchen about her needing a heater because it is so cold at night and I realize that she is sleeping in her shed but my honey didn't get it until she told him.

1st yelling of the move in

Do I need to take you in for evaluation? What the fuck are you living in a shed for? You are going to live with us.

She fucking moved in to our house this day and I swear it is going to be hell.

4-6-12
Not even 24 hours after the move in. We had been invited to go to Tom and Joe's for there Good Friday get together. I worked all day and Kal took the day off so when I get home he tells me that he isn't going to go. Tell them I'm sick blah blah.

So I go and lie to our friends for a little bit then tell them the truth. So the fact of the whole thing is Stella in less then 24 hrs has thrown a wedge between us. She has a unique ability to cut off her husbands and son's balls but so far I've got mine.

4-8-12 Easter
Well, we told her that the Easter service at our church starts at 6:30am but I am proud of Kal that he didn't go and wake her up. We just about make it to the church before his cell phone rings with the, "Why didn't you wake me up?" Typical mode of action to put the blame on anyone else but herself. It's his fault she didn't wake up. She didn't come to church but Kal must have a kink in his neck turning around looking to see if she was going to show up. We went to Linda's for brunch and she did get home in time for dinner.

4-9-12
My day off and here it is after 11am. Comcast was here for over 2 hours trying to fix our on demand feature and Stella stayed in bed most of the time until she went to the bathroom for over 45 minutes. She asked me if I was going to have lunch with Kal (Efren to her) today but I told her that Shane is supposed to come and work on the computer around noon. She says oh good, I'll go by myself then, so at about 11:15 off she goes to have lunch with "her mijo".
Shane shows up around 11:30 to work on the computer and I tell him I want to password safe the computer so when we aren't here she can't get into it and fuck it up.

Middle of the week
One morning when we were leaving for work she gets up and we are trying to discuss how to best arm the house and what to do. Kal and I are in the garage and she is poking her head out the door. I said only one line something like, "We don't have to arm the house when you are here." She gets that hideous look on her face and says, "That's just fine Kevin I won't have to be here."
We want to teach her how to arm the house but she is still sleeping every morning when we leave and we forget by bedtime to do it. Kal tells her to just lock it and he will come at lunch to arm it. He gets a call from her at work during a meeting and she tells him she is leaving so he comes back to the house to arm it. A little later he gets a call that she had just gone to Costco and could he come back to let her in. She doesn't care and he cow tows to her. She gets him feeling so upset he tells me to cancel the dinner I've set up for Sunday with Tom, Joe, Kelly and Roy that he doesn't want to see anyone. He keeps this up the guys are going to drop him, it's rude and very insensitive and she wins again.

4-16-12
She wants to do the poor pitiful me shit about how she can just move back into her shed at the property.  She can go to the bathroom behind the bushes and shower holding the hose above her head like her horses.  Then she asked if she could use our clothes washer or does she have to to the "washateia".  Piece of work.

4-17-12
Kal's birthday!  She doesn't even bother to get him a card.  Typical.  But, we ended up taking her to Yannies for dinner where she didn't even offer to take care of the tip.  After all we have done for her this is so inexcusable. 

4-23-12
It's 9:30am  LEAVE the house so I can have some time to myself.
She did finally leave and then later on in the day I heard from Kal and they had words and she said she was going to stay in her shed and he didn't fight her on it.

4-24-12
Got a text from Francine that MIL had called Eric and was telling him that she couldn't afford her property either and she felt that since the boys were going to inherit the property one day they should start making the payments for her.  What a deal!!  She kept trying to call that night but we didn't answer the phone which of course pissed her off.  One of her messages was to put her clothes in a big garbage bag that she would pick up the next day.

4-26-12
She has spent 3 nights in the shed.  We haven't heard from her but I image she is going to want to come over to shower.  Plus it is really windy today, REALLY WINDY, so I won't be surprised to get a guest tonight.  Geez.
Well, we went to bed but didn't turn on the alarm thinking she might just show up.  About 9:30 the dogs started getting a little bothered and barking.  I didn't hear anything but got up and looked out the window and everything looked ok with the garage door down.  I told Kal that I was going to turn on the alarm, walked out into the hall and there she was walking around in the dark.  I said "she's here sneaking around."
Turn's out she was having problems with her neighbor.  Imagine that!  Every single neighbor she has lived by she has problems with and it's so ironic that it's always their fault.  She even  pulled a gun on this one.  Oh what now?

4-29-12
Well, she's out of the shed and back here again.  It's Eric's birthday and as we were driving over there she tells us not to get her a present for Mother's Day.  I'm thinking because of everything we have done for her here the past few weeks.  Meals, laundry, shopping, utilities, coffee and expensive creamer to boot.  Oh no, she goes on to tell us to just give her money.  What in the world is she thinking?

4-30-12
My day off and I hate it when she hangs around here.  Today is laundry day so, oh fuck, she's not going to leave for awhile so I go outside to work in the tomato patch.  I'm raking the dirt and she comes out and asks, "are you raking?"  DUH!  Then she looks at the dirt and says, "do you have your tomatoes in?"

5-1-12
7:20 am, I've taken a day off to work in the yard and she's still snoozing away even though she told us she had to be somewhere at 7:30.  Another fun day off.

5-7-12
Nothing extraordinarily new this week, same old shit.  She really has it made, a place to stay, sleep in to what ever hour, all meals.  It would be nice.  On one day she tells Kal that she is going to extend her tenants lease and that she might as well just make our house her base forever.  Then yesterday it was she is going to move back into her place at the end of the month.  Tomorrow will be another thought I'm sure.

5-21-12
Last week little Miss Drama Queen packed up all of her things and was going to move out, to where, I don't know but she said correctly she was causing too much chaos in our life.  Of course Kal talked her out of it so back she comes.  During this time period we found out that staying at Richard's place in Phoenix wasn't going to work for Memorial Day weekend.  The owner was still going to be there with her dog and he might not be able to get the time off.  I started looking for a place to stay but knowing that the dogs were going to have to stay here with MIL.  Kal said that he didn't have to go to the convention and we both sat down and talked about how concerned we were with MIL staying with the babies.  Sometimes she doesn't show up until after 8pm which is way too long for them to be alone and not have their treats.  I was also concerned that she wouldn't water my plants and tomatoes either.  We decided to just take the weekend off together and stay home.  We are going to have a get together with some friends and neighbors on the Sunday over Memorial Day weekend.

Do I really need to say it again?  The plan was that when she sold her house in town she was going to take the proceeds and put in a little prefab house on her property and spend the rest of her horses lives there with them.  Then on another day she says she wants to put in a room here and go back and forth to the horses (which is what we didn't want her to do).  Now this morning Kal says not only does she want to sell her house in town but she is going to sell the property and horses too and then move in with us.  He knows better then that.  She will NEVER sell her horses.  I reminded him that wasn't the plan and I'm not on board with this thinking.  He got a little huffy and left the house.  He still must be still peeved with me because he hasn't returned my texts or call about lunch today.  I did text Francine and told her the four of us need to get together because things are getting out of hand and she agreed stating she has my back.

Then this morning Kal left for work leaving me with sleeping beauty.  She got up at 8:30 and it was, why didn't you wake me up?  I told Efren to wake me before he left.  I told her it wasn't my job.  She left for the temp agency at 9:30 and was back an hour later and said those "stupid idiots" shred her file.  This is one of the things that drive me up a wall, everything that happens to her it is somebody else fault.  Nothing, I mean nothing is ever her fault.

Memorial Day Weekend 2012
Besides the usual 3 day weekend, I took 4 days off and Kal took 5, including the Friday before and that's when it kind of started.  Kal went to the First Financial to see about our home equity loan and his mom called when he was with the loan officer.  Instead of letting it go to voice mail he pick it up and when he told her where he was, she yells loud enough for the person helping Kal to hear, "tell them I hate them.".  So that evening when she showed up after 8pm he told her how inappropriate she was when she called.  Well, as we all know, MIL is never wrong so she got mad at Kal and it went through to the next morning.  We are sitting in the family room and it's "why are you here Kevin?  Shouldn't you be at work?" then she just walks past Kal without a word.  We had gotten her a breakfast burrito and I told her about it being in the warming drawer and told her we were going to the laundry mat to wash the rugs in the bathrooms.  By the time we got back she wrote me a note saying she wasn't going to be home tonight.  It looked pretty clear to us that she had packed up her clothes and took everything with her except the cell phone which was left here

We had made wagers on Sunday to see if she was going to come back for the party or not.  We thought since Baby Jesus was going to be here she was going to come but I thought she wasn't.  I was right, she didn't show up so it was a really nice party.  Monday we had a nice breakfast and watched a movie and were about a third through a second when I heard the door from the garage close and I thought, of fuck, she's here and sure enough she was.  She then announces that she had come early to help with the party.  I tell her it was yesterday so once again it was our fault for not calling everyone in Los Lunas to try and find her and let her know the party was on Sunday.  Then it was the old I guess I could have died and no one would know about it.  Now she is here again.  Holy Crap.

It's been awhile.

The House on Madison
It's now the end of June and an offer has been made on her house.  There was the counter offer and it was accepted.  Can it be this is really going to happen?  All I know is a lot of crap can happen between now and when and if the closing is going to happen.  The other day when I mentioned to her about checking out the prefab homes I got, "I'm not going to look into another house until I get rid of this one."  I know it is just another way to hold back.  If there is anyway this sale can be sabotaged, she will find it.  Last week the inspection came in and of course there were a lot of things wrong with the house but of course she didn't agree with it at all.  They want her to drop the price another 9000.00 and that won't happen because then she won't have enough money for her house.  Also, her renters have vacated her house and she is looking for ways to not have to pay them their deposit back, basically because she doesn't have the money.  Not really sure how she is going to make her house payments because her rent payment took care of that.  Oh well, not my concern.

Her Job
She started her job handing out lunches to underprivileged kids at Chelwood Park up by Lomas and Tramway which is about 7 miles from our house which is about the same amount of miles I drive to work.  She got the job through the employment agency and is paid about $10/hr for 3 hours a day.  Some of the dillies she has come up are amazing.  She said she is going to ask them for more money because she has to drive so far to work.  REALLY?  Then one day she actually told us she told her boss that she needs to be paid at least 2nd year pay because of the distance she has to drive.  She said he just starred at me.  I'm surprised he didn't fire her.

The Thumb
Kal smashed his thumb in a power hose at work on Fri. the 24th and had to go to the emergency room.  When he got home the thumb is lacerated and the nail is broken in half with the tip of the thumb broken.  On Sunday I got everything set up to change his bandage with Nurse Stella looking on.  "Don't you have surgical scissors?", "Did you wash your hands?", "That bandage is touching the filthy counter.", "You can't do this, you need to do that, be careful!"  I finally had it and stormed  out of the room saying, "She thinks I'm a fucking idiot!!"  Not a peep from the two of them in the kitchen.

7-10-12
Well, she has finally signed the contract to sell her house on Madison and the closing is set for this Friday the 13th (oh shit) or maybe the 14th but of course she is being so secretive about any details.  I talked to Eric when he stopped over and he said I should be blunt like him.  He told me that he told her that he would kick her fucking ass out of the house.  So on Monday morning after Kal went to work I asked Stella, "So you are closing the end of the week, have you thought what your are going to do?"  Holly crap, she whirls around and says in the fucking tone of voice I hate, "Boy, Kevin, you really want me out of here don't you?"  OK so I've decided to not be the woosie boy any more and did tell her it is a struggle having her here and we wish that she had kept to her word about getting that pre-fab on her property liked she  promised.  The response was that her horses are dieing and it wouldn't be feasible to live there.  Like usual, the drama queen stormed out of the house and I saw her sitting in her car for at least 10 minutes before she drove away.  Come to find out she called both of her mijos crying about how horrible and mean I was to her.
As it worked out as expected the closing got called off.  She completely sabotaged the deal just as I expected then didn't want to give the people their earnest money back because they inconvenienced her so much.

So with the deal off she said she would move back into her house which proved to be more difficult then originally thought.  With Kal's thumb not up to par the only day the two of us could get her things was on a Sunday.  We had committed to two Sundays to sign people up at church for the Dinners for Eight groups which meant we couldn't do anything until the heat of the day.  Then a beacon of hope came from Minnesota when Aracelli and Allen came to visit.  Allen was wonderful and had Kal rent a UHaul and the three of them went to her property and got most of her things moved back to her house.  (I was working that day)

8-20-12
OK so she has moved back into her house but it's not like she is gone.  Every night, every single night she comes over for dinner at whatever time she likes and doesn't mind creating a drama situation just about every time she comes here.  Some highlights:

• Should I refinance?  Should I get a reverse mortgage?  and now Should I sell my house?
• My renters are taking me to court because they want their deposit back.  They will just have to take it a little at a time.  Don't worry about it I've taken care of it. (by writing a check and stopping payment on it).
• I need $800 to pay them, which we did.
• I have a horse that can't even stand but I'm not going to kill my horses, I just pray God will take him.
• Uses the computer so long we go to bed then comes into the room..."EFREN! are you asleep?
• Shows up at 8:30, Kal has already gone to bed and sits eating in the kitchen talking to Eric on the phone and crying the whole time.
• While in Las Vegas she calls on Sunday pissed off she has a flat and we weren't there to help her out with our AAA card.  Then even more pissed that Kal wasn't going to be in town to take her to Santa Fe on Monday.

9-6-12
We went to La Jolla for a week.  Just the two of us and the nice family.

9-22-12
Well, little Miss "If you give me a cell phone I'll only use for emergencies."  Well she had 1262 minutes of emergencies last month putting our 1400 shared minute plan over causing the phone bill to go over $260.  Kal went to the phone place and upgraded us to unlimited minutes and getting us new cell phones.  I know have something that starts with an i, with my iphone.  He got his mom a new phone because she kept whining about how bad her phone was.  Does she like it?  NO!  Does she try to learn how to use it NO!  So last Saturday, Kal takes her to get a new phone after stopping by the store to bring me my lunch.  I notice MIL grazing in the bulk section trying samples of everything and sticking her hand into the bins.  I try to pretend I don't know her.  So he takes her to the phone store and after wasting the employees time decides to keep her phone.