End of the month worries

Here it is again, the end of the month and I have to go through my anxieties once again. One relief is Kal started working again last week but my worries, the thing I do the best grabbed hold. He started on Tues. and had to tell them he wouldn't be there on Fri. or the next Mon. because he was heading to San Francisco to go to yet another Star Trek convention. He wanted me to go but I know we didn't need to add another airfare plus the meals and purchases to our debt. Then we would have to pay someone to take care of the dogs so I said I would just stay home. I really don't mind and actually kind of like my solitude so I basically barricaded myself at home with my meat. Lindy came on Friday and we watched a movie had some snacks and a screwdriver. Come to find out MIL complained (what's new) that I didn't ask her over. I really wonder why the hell would I ask her over, I don't like her and she doesn't like me so what da? I am so thankful that I could have 4 days alone without her intrusions although she threatened us that she will come by tonight.

Anxiety relaxed today when Kal went into work and everything seems to be going good. He's out in the field and has a meeting with his boss this afternoon. I know these anxieties are still a result of the years of living with Walt and his lack of keeping employment. I would like to be able to get out there and work too but who wants a 53 year old dude that hasn't worked for 8 years. I don't want to keep asking for money from Tom but what can I do? I don't want to lose the house but would be willing to move to someplace smaller if we can be able to not have so much debt. I think that now is a good (the best) time to talk to Wendy and sell the cabin now that she is in financial problems too.

Not much more now but am going to try this box for labels for this post. Maybe then I can come back and write more about what I've started.