Wackadoodles

People have told me I need to write about the wackadoodles I come across at work so here goes:

RETURNS

Sunflower has a policy that they will return just about anything and as cashiers we have the capability to refund, exchange, barter or whatever works to make the customer happy.  It wasn't long after I started I got my first "Are you fucking kidding me?" (AYFKM) return.  A lady came in with a bag of spoiled pears and informs me, "You know, I bought these pears a few weeks ago and you know what?  They went bad."

It wasn't much later I got probably the grossest return.  A lady comes in with a bag of lamb chop bones, a couple of cooked lamb chops along with the wrapping they came in mixed up in this greasy mess.  She told me that she bought 12 lamb chops and prepared them for guests at her house.  When she handed me the bag she told me that they were so bad they couldn't eat the last 3 chops.  She didn't have her receipt so I had to paw through the bones and meat to find the labels on the wrapping.  I love lamb chops but this was a bit much for me.

Then there was the man who bought four grape vine plants and brought them all back in clearly dead.  His reason he needed a refund was that he planted them and then went out of town for over a week and didn't have anyone to water them.  They died so he wanted his money back, and we did refund him.  AYFKM?

I'm checking out a lady and ask her if the onion in the bag was a sweet onion.  Her response was, "why would I put a sweet onion in my pot roast?"

Shortly after the store opened we would have long lines and of course we were all still learning at that point too.  So my cash register goes down and we move all the people over to another line where I attempt to sign into another register.  I'm unable to because even though the other register is down I'm technically still logged onto that one.  So we call for another cashier to come assist but clearly too much time has elapsed for one gentleman who just had a bag of lunch meat and he threw it at me and stormed out of the store.  He missed.

It was on my second to the last customer of the day and this woman came in telling me that she had just moved here and was a former massage therapist and wondered why we didn't carry a certain product.  She started to tell me it's name and that I should tell the person in charge we needed to carry this product.  I told her there was a suggestion box in the front of the store if she wanted to fill out a form with the information they would give it to the manager of that department for consideration.  Holy crap, she totally went ballistic at that point saying things like it's a sorry state of affairs when the customer has to work harder then the employees and she thought we were different but we were no better then going to Smiths or Albertsons.  I told her the form would be more reliable source then counting on me to remember exactly what she wanted.  Then I got, it was the employees now days don't want to do their job with her voice getting louder and louder.  I ask her if she would like to talk to the manager of the Natural Living department and I got a resounding no.  Then I said I'd be happy to call the store director over because she was clearly upset.  It was at that point I got the tried and true response, "I'll never shop here again."  My last customer made me feel better calling her a total bitch and a woman in the line next to mine gave me a hug.

 

adding more later

PIN PAD

What in the world is so hard about using the freeking pin pad in the grocery store?  Very seldom do the devices in our store allow the customer to use their fingers to touch in things like their PIN numbers so they have to use the stylus to enter in their information.  It usually goes like this; the customer swipes their card.  If they are on register 2 that can be a trick in of itself with the rude sound of "arrrahhh" instead of the sweet little "beep".  So when we get our beep and the customer starts punching the pad with their fingers with no luck.  I tell them to use the stylus or as I say "the stick".  Step one, they tap DEBIT and the next screen shows the numbers for them to enter their PIN.  Of course they start punching in their number with their fingers to no avail.  After that the screen has the question, "Do You Want Cash Back?  with the little YES / NO button that gets punched with their fingers with no luck once again.  This usually goes alright but every now and then I'll hear a gasp, "I don't want cash back!"  I reassure them they can tap cancel and start over.  Then there appears the dreaded question, "Is $amount OK?" with the little YES / NO buttons which naturally they use their fingers again to punch.  By now I'm getting my favorite questions or statements like, "What happens if I say no?"  or "No it's not alright, but what can I do?" or "How many questions do they have to ask?" or "Why can't these all these machines be the same?"

It's kind of the same way when they use a credit card instead of a debit card except when when the "Is $amount OK" we still go through the same finger problem with the YES / NO button before it says APPROVED.  After that appears the next screen pops up the signature area.  Then it's the "Why does it need my signature when it says I'm approved?" or my personal favorite "You know in some places you don't have to sign anything if it's under a certain amount."  Seriously, if I had $1.00 for every time I've heard that, my car would be paid off.

Other Pin Pad Observations

• Then there are those people who really must have some anger issues.  When they get that little stylus (the stick) in their hand they slam that device harder then a carpenter pounding nails into a building.
• Forgetting their pin number, they fumble around with 2 or 3 attempts then try another card and get angry at the cashier and go through the whole finger punching YES / NO routine again.
• People on their cell phone trying to operate the pin pad.  As much as they would like to think so, they really can't multi-task by talking and punching the pad with their fingers, oh wait they have to use the stick.  Then when the next screen appears they are talking away and are unaware of what's going on.  I usually have to point to the screen for them.  Hello, you aren't done yet.
• They slide their card and it gives them the arrrahhh sound that it didn't go through while I'm still checking their groceries.  They do it again with the same result then it's the up and down up and down about seven or eight times with the little blue screen showing up with the stop sign and the arrrahhh arrrahhh going on then sometimes I'll hear the little "beep" and they ask, "this is only going to go through once isn't it?"

Holy Crap

Oh Holy Crap,
It has been in the works for months if not years about letting MIL move in here, I always thought and we had talked about when the time came that she couldn't take care of the horses she couldn't take care of herself. I knew last year when she rented her house out and was going to live with Sharon it would come to a screaming halt. The only thing that amazed me was that it lasted nearly 10 months before she got the bootarinno. Then she lived with another lady for less then a week or so.

Yesterday 4-5-12 Kal gets a call from his mom to let her into the house to take a shower while he was at work. Of course he drops everything to let her into the house. I come home after work and see her folder and a cup of water and think what da??? She comes by after I get home and I can hear from the kitchen about her needing a heater because it is so cold at night and I realize that she is sleeping in her shed but my honey didn't get it until she told him.

1st yelling of the move in

Do I need to take you in for evaluation? What the fuck are you living in a shed for? You are going to live with us.

She fucking moved in to our house this day and I swear it is going to be hell.

4-6-12
Not even 24 hours after the move in. We had been invited to go to Tom and Joe's for there Good Friday get together. I worked all day and Kal took the day off so when I get home he tells me that he isn't going to go. Tell them I'm sick blah blah.

So I go and lie to our friends for a little bit then tell them the truth. So the fact of the whole thing is Stella in less then 24 hrs has thrown a wedge between us. She has a unique ability to cut off her husbands and son's balls but so far I've got mine.

4-8-12 Easter
Well, we told her that the Easter service at our church starts at 6:30am but I am proud of Kal that he didn't go and wake her up. We just about make it to the church before his cell phone rings with the, "Why didn't you wake me up?" Typical mode of action to put the blame on anyone else but herself. It's his fault she didn't wake up. She didn't come to church but Kal must have a kink in his neck turning around looking to see if she was going to show up. We went to Linda's for brunch and she did get home in time for dinner.

4-9-12
My day off and here it is after 11am. Comcast was here for over 2 hours trying to fix our on demand feature and Stella stayed in bed most of the time until she went to the bathroom for over 45 minutes. She asked me if I was going to have lunch with Kal (Efren to her) today but I told her that Shane is supposed to come and work on the computer around noon. She says oh good, I'll go by myself then, so at about 11:15 off she goes to have lunch with "her mijo".
Shane shows up around 11:30 to work on the computer and I tell him I want to password safe the computer so when we aren't here she can't get into it and fuck it up.

Middle of the week
One morning when we were leaving for work she gets up and we are trying to discuss how to best arm the house and what to do. Kal and I are in the garage and she is poking her head out the door. I said only one line something like, "We don't have to arm the house when you are here." She gets that hideous look on her face and says, "That's just fine Kevin I won't have to be here."
We want to teach her how to arm the house but she is still sleeping every morning when we leave and we forget by bedtime to do it. Kal tells her to just lock it and he will come at lunch to arm it. He gets a call from her at work during a meeting and she tells him she is leaving so he comes back to the house to arm it. A little later he gets a call that she had just gone to Costco and could he come back to let her in. She doesn't care and he cow tows to her. She gets him feeling so upset he tells me to cancel the dinner I've set up for Sunday with Tom, Joe, Kelly and Roy that he doesn't want to see anyone. He keeps this up the guys are going to drop him, it's rude and very insensitive and she wins again.

4-16-12
She wants to do the poor pitiful me shit about how she can just move back into her shed at the property.  She can go to the bathroom behind the bushes and shower holding the hose above her head like her horses.  Then she asked if she could use our clothes washer or does she have to to the "washateia".  Piece of work.

4-17-12
Kal's birthday!  She doesn't even bother to get him a card.  Typical.  But, we ended up taking her to Yannies for dinner where she didn't even offer to take care of the tip.  After all we have done for her this is so inexcusable. 

4-23-12
It's 9:30am  LEAVE the house so I can have some time to myself.
She did finally leave and then later on in the day I heard from Kal and they had words and she said she was going to stay in her shed and he didn't fight her on it.

4-24-12
Got a text from Francine that MIL had called Eric and was telling him that she couldn't afford her property either and she felt that since the boys were going to inherit the property one day they should start making the payments for her.  What a deal!!  She kept trying to call that night but we didn't answer the phone which of course pissed her off.  One of her messages was to put her clothes in a big garbage bag that she would pick up the next day.

4-26-12
She has spent 3 nights in the shed.  We haven't heard from her but I image she is going to want to come over to shower.  Plus it is really windy today, REALLY WINDY, so I won't be surprised to get a guest tonight.  Geez.
Well, we went to bed but didn't turn on the alarm thinking she might just show up.  About 9:30 the dogs started getting a little bothered and barking.  I didn't hear anything but got up and looked out the window and everything looked ok with the garage door down.  I told Kal that I was going to turn on the alarm, walked out into the hall and there she was walking around in the dark.  I said "she's here sneaking around."
Turn's out she was having problems with her neighbor.  Imagine that!  Every single neighbor she has lived by she has problems with and it's so ironic that it's always their fault.  She even  pulled a gun on this one.  Oh what now?

4-29-12
Well, she's out of the shed and back here again.  It's Eric's birthday and as we were driving over there she tells us not to get her a present for Mother's Day.  I'm thinking because of everything we have done for her here the past few weeks.  Meals, laundry, shopping, utilities, coffee and expensive creamer to boot.  Oh no, she goes on to tell us to just give her money.  What in the world is she thinking?

4-30-12
My day off and I hate it when she hangs around here.  Today is laundry day so, oh fuck, she's not going to leave for awhile so I go outside to work in the tomato patch.  I'm raking the dirt and she comes out and asks, "are you raking?"  DUH!  Then she looks at the dirt and says, "do you have your tomatoes in?"

5-1-12
7:20 am, I've taken a day off to work in the yard and she's still snoozing away even though she told us she had to be somewhere at 7:30.  Another fun day off.

5-7-12
Nothing extraordinarily new this week, same old shit.  She really has it made, a place to stay, sleep in to what ever hour, all meals.  It would be nice.  On one day she tells Kal that she is going to extend her tenants lease and that she might as well just make our house her base forever.  Then yesterday it was she is going to move back into her place at the end of the month.  Tomorrow will be another thought I'm sure.

5-21-12
Last week little Miss Drama Queen packed up all of her things and was going to move out, to where, I don't know but she said correctly she was causing too much chaos in our life.  Of course Kal talked her out of it so back she comes.  During this time period we found out that staying at Richard's place in Phoenix wasn't going to work for Memorial Day weekend.  The owner was still going to be there with her dog and he might not be able to get the time off.  I started looking for a place to stay but knowing that the dogs were going to have to stay here with MIL.  Kal said that he didn't have to go to the convention and we both sat down and talked about how concerned we were with MIL staying with the babies.  Sometimes she doesn't show up until after 8pm which is way too long for them to be alone and not have their treats.  I was also concerned that she wouldn't water my plants and tomatoes either.  We decided to just take the weekend off together and stay home.  We are going to have a get together with some friends and neighbors on the Sunday over Memorial Day weekend.

Do I really need to say it again?  The plan was that when she sold her house in town she was going to take the proceeds and put in a little prefab house on her property and spend the rest of her horses lives there with them.  Then on another day she says she wants to put in a room here and go back and forth to the horses (which is what we didn't want her to do).  Now this morning Kal says not only does she want to sell her house in town but she is going to sell the property and horses too and then move in with us.  He knows better then that.  She will NEVER sell her horses.  I reminded him that wasn't the plan and I'm not on board with this thinking.  He got a little huffy and left the house.  He still must be still peeved with me because he hasn't returned my texts or call about lunch today.  I did text Francine and told her the four of us need to get together because things are getting out of hand and she agreed stating she has my back.

Then this morning Kal left for work leaving me with sleeping beauty.  She got up at 8:30 and it was, why didn't you wake me up?  I told Efren to wake me before he left.  I told her it wasn't my job.  She left for the temp agency at 9:30 and was back an hour later and said those "stupid idiots" shred her file.  This is one of the things that drive me up a wall, everything that happens to her it is somebody else fault.  Nothing, I mean nothing is ever her fault.

Memorial Day Weekend 2012
Besides the usual 3 day weekend, I took 4 days off and Kal took 5, including the Friday before and that's when it kind of started.  Kal went to the First Financial to see about our home equity loan and his mom called when he was with the loan officer.  Instead of letting it go to voice mail he pick it up and when he told her where he was, she yells loud enough for the person helping Kal to hear, "tell them I hate them.".  So that evening when she showed up after 8pm he told her how inappropriate she was when she called.  Well, as we all know, MIL is never wrong so she got mad at Kal and it went through to the next morning.  We are sitting in the family room and it's "why are you here Kevin?  Shouldn't you be at work?" then she just walks past Kal without a word.  We had gotten her a breakfast burrito and I told her about it being in the warming drawer and told her we were going to the laundry mat to wash the rugs in the bathrooms.  By the time we got back she wrote me a note saying she wasn't going to be home tonight.  It looked pretty clear to us that she had packed up her clothes and took everything with her except the cell phone which was left here

We had made wagers on Sunday to see if she was going to come back for the party or not.  We thought since Baby Jesus was going to be here she was going to come but I thought she wasn't.  I was right, she didn't show up so it was a really nice party.  Monday we had a nice breakfast and watched a movie and were about a third through a second when I heard the door from the garage close and I thought, of fuck, she's here and sure enough she was.  She then announces that she had come early to help with the party.  I tell her it was yesterday so once again it was our fault for not calling everyone in Los Lunas to try and find her and let her know the party was on Sunday.  Then it was the old I guess I could have died and no one would know about it.  Now she is here again.  Holy Crap.

It's been awhile.

The House on Madison
It's now the end of June and an offer has been made on her house.  There was the counter offer and it was accepted.  Can it be this is really going to happen?  All I know is a lot of crap can happen between now and when and if the closing is going to happen.  The other day when I mentioned to her about checking out the prefab homes I got, "I'm not going to look into another house until I get rid of this one."  I know it is just another way to hold back.  If there is anyway this sale can be sabotaged, she will find it.  Last week the inspection came in and of course there were a lot of things wrong with the house but of course she didn't agree with it at all.  They want her to drop the price another 9000.00 and that won't happen because then she won't have enough money for her house.  Also, her renters have vacated her house and she is looking for ways to not have to pay them their deposit back, basically because she doesn't have the money.  Not really sure how she is going to make her house payments because her rent payment took care of that.  Oh well, not my concern.

Her Job
She started her job handing out lunches to underprivileged kids at Chelwood Park up by Lomas and Tramway which is about 7 miles from our house which is about the same amount of miles I drive to work.  She got the job through the employment agency and is paid about $10/hr for 3 hours a day.  Some of the dillies she has come up are amazing.  She said she is going to ask them for more money because she has to drive so far to work.  REALLY?  Then one day she actually told us she told her boss that she needs to be paid at least 2nd year pay because of the distance she has to drive.  She said he just starred at me.  I'm surprised he didn't fire her.

The Thumb
Kal smashed his thumb in a power hose at work on Fri. the 24th and had to go to the emergency room.  When he got home the thumb is lacerated and the nail is broken in half with the tip of the thumb broken.  On Sunday I got everything set up to change his bandage with Nurse Stella looking on.  "Don't you have surgical scissors?", "Did you wash your hands?", "That bandage is touching the filthy counter.", "You can't do this, you need to do that, be careful!"  I finally had it and stormed  out of the room saying, "She thinks I'm a fucking idiot!!"  Not a peep from the two of them in the kitchen.

7-10-12
Well, she has finally signed the contract to sell her house on Madison and the closing is set for this Friday the 13th (oh shit) or maybe the 14th but of course she is being so secretive about any details.  I talked to Eric when he stopped over and he said I should be blunt like him.  He told me that he told her that he would kick her fucking ass out of the house.  So on Monday morning after Kal went to work I asked Stella, "So you are closing the end of the week, have you thought what your are going to do?"  Holly crap, she whirls around and says in the fucking tone of voice I hate, "Boy, Kevin, you really want me out of here don't you?"  OK so I've decided to not be the woosie boy any more and did tell her it is a struggle having her here and we wish that she had kept to her word about getting that pre-fab on her property liked she  promised.  The response was that her horses are dieing and it wouldn't be feasible to live there.  Like usual, the drama queen stormed out of the house and I saw her sitting in her car for at least 10 minutes before she drove away.  Come to find out she called both of her mijos crying about how horrible and mean I was to her.
As it worked out as expected the closing got called off.  She completely sabotaged the deal just as I expected then didn't want to give the people their earnest money back because they inconvenienced her so much.

So with the deal off she said she would move back into her house which proved to be more difficult then originally thought.  With Kal's thumb not up to par the only day the two of us could get her things was on a Sunday.  We had committed to two Sundays to sign people up at church for the Dinners for Eight groups which meant we couldn't do anything until the heat of the day.  Then a beacon of hope came from Minnesota when Aracelli and Allen came to visit.  Allen was wonderful and had Kal rent a UHaul and the three of them went to her property and got most of her things moved back to her house.  (I was working that day)

8-20-12
OK so she has moved back into her house but it's not like she is gone.  Every night, every single night she comes over for dinner at whatever time she likes and doesn't mind creating a drama situation just about every time she comes here.  Some highlights:

• Should I refinance?  Should I get a reverse mortgage?  and now Should I sell my house?
• My renters are taking me to court because they want their deposit back.  They will just have to take it a little at a time.  Don't worry about it I've taken care of it. (by writing a check and stopping payment on it).
• I need $800 to pay them, which we did.
• I have a horse that can't even stand but I'm not going to kill my horses, I just pray God will take him.
• Uses the computer so long we go to bed then comes into the room..."EFREN! are you asleep?
• Shows up at 8:30, Kal has already gone to bed and sits eating in the kitchen talking to Eric on the phone and crying the whole time.
• While in Las Vegas she calls on Sunday pissed off she has a flat and we weren't there to help her out with our AAA card.  Then even more pissed that Kal wasn't going to be in town to take her to Santa Fe on Monday.

9-6-12
We went to La Jolla for a week.  Just the two of us and the nice family.

9-22-12
Well, little Miss "If you give me a cell phone I'll only use for emergencies."  Well she had 1262 minutes of emergencies last month putting our 1400 shared minute plan over causing the phone bill to go over $260.  Kal went to the phone place and upgraded us to unlimited minutes and getting us new cell phones.  I know have something that starts with an i, with my iphone.  He got his mom a new phone because she kept whining about how bad her phone was.  Does she like it?  NO!  Does she try to learn how to use it NO!  So last Saturday, Kal takes her to get a new phone after stopping by the store to bring me my lunch.  I notice MIL grazing in the bulk section trying samples of everything and sticking her hand into the bins.  I try to pretend I don't know her.  So he takes her to the phone store and after wasting the employees time decides to keep her phone.

The Move

Stella, Stella, Stella, what a piece of work you are. You never cease to amaze me with the things you say and the things you do but this one is really taking the cake as far as I'm concerned. Stella, MIL, always comes out with the most bizarre statements about what she is going to do with her life and living situation, from selling her house to moving in with us (NOT!!!). A few weeks ago her latest announcement was that not only has she decided to rent her house as she has threatened to do many time but she actually has some people lined up thanks to Eric and Francine. Those two pieces of work are another story.

She told us the people were going to move in on Memorial Day weekend. When we asked her what were her plans for her living situation we got the,"oh, I'm going to get a trailer and put it out on my property." to "I think I'll just live in a tent." In other words, she had nothing, NOTHING planned. We informed her like we had a number of times that we were planning on going to Phoenix on Thurs. the 26th and weren't going to be back until Mon. the 30th so she will have to do this on her own because her mijo wasn't going to be there to help her out.

On to the piano. The MIL has a baby grand piano that isn't in the greatest shape after years of her rolling it around on tile floors and moving it a few times and the peddles have fallen off of it too. She tells us, doesn't ask us, that the piano will be coming to our house. This has happened a few times in the past and I have always said no because it will have so many strings attached to it that it would never work out. Thankfully in the past it never got that far but it looked like it was going to happen this time. I called a piano mover to get their rate which was quoted at $175 so I told Kal that we were not going to pay for the move, that it was up to his mother and he agreed. Keep in mind, no one asked me to call the movers, I did it because I was curious. So Sun. the 22nd she asks when the piano movers were coming to get the piano. Once again she just assumed that we had done it and then when we told her the price it was "I'm not going to pay $175, I can get someone to do it for $60." OK, fine, do it, we won't bother. Then about 2 days before leaving for Phoenix, it was another, did you get someone to move the piano? No because you said you were going to find someone to do it for $60. We found someone who will do it for $175 and again, "What! I'm not going to pay that much money to move a piano.". So as it turned out, Kal called and because of the Memorial Day holiday the soonest they could move it was Tues. the 31st, two days after she told her renters they could move in.

Thank god we were going to Phoenix. The day before we were leaving she was over and we told her we were going to be gone until Mon. and she had no recollection of our telling her that. Then she asked about the piano and we told her AGAIN that they were going to be there Tues. which she completely forgot about too. On Thurs. while driving to Phoenix Kal's cell phone rings and what I hear on my end is; We are almost to Holbrook, AZ....I told you, I don't know how many times we were going to Arizona....They are coming Monday to get the piano....It's going to be $175....I told you it was going to cost you that much.

After four nights of being out of town the day came when we had to go back to Albuquerque and to the craziness here. Kal left his cell phone at the convention center so there was no way for Stella to contact her mijo, but she had my number. Kal was getting sick and was thinking of working 1/2 day on Tues. and I was going to take it off anyway. So Tues. comes and Stella says she is working until 11am but wants "to borrow" my truck to bring the last few thing to the storage. I'm not really sure who did it but she did have someone take the heavy furniture to the storage unit but she didn't have them take a number of boxes in the house. So by the time we heard from her it was almost 3 in the afternoon. We went over and there weren't a few boxes but a lot of boxes all over the piano, in the dining area and in the garage. Most of the shit she should have gone through weeks ago and got rid of but no we had to move boxes of books like, How to learn Italian. Plus she had a closet full of clothes in the front hall she thought she could just leave there. We couldn't get it all in before the storage place closed and we didn't even get to the garage things. In the meantime the piano movers did come and bring the damn thing to our house and I brought Stella over with her check book because I know how she works and we were not going to pay for this move and we didn't. Wed. I took what what was left in the truck over.

So in the meantime, we asked her about where she is living. She told us her friend Sharon told her she could stay there awhile and house sit for her when she goes to California on the 9th of June. Then she loves to drop these little bomb shells like how she has been sleeping in her car at her property which just drives Kal up the wall.

I really shouldn't be surprised by her actions but yet, I am. Yesterday was just another stone she keeps tossing at us trying to stone us to death. She still had a bunch of shit in her garage and "supposedly" the tenants told her to come at 1:30 to get it. So she actually showed up at 1:30 then promptly fell asleep on the couch. When Sleeping Beauty awoke the two of them headed over to the house to find the tenants weren't home. So back here they come where she left them a message to call our phone number not her cell number. So she said she was going to go back to Los Lunas and Kal told her he would get her shit Monday after work.

Kelly and Roy had invited us nearly 2 months ago to Kelly's birthday/pool party and it was to start at 4:00 so we were getting ready to head over there and have a nice evening. Why oh why didn't we leave at 3:59 because at 4:01 she calls and tells Kal that she has pulled out everything from the garage and he needed to get over there to load up. I wish he just would have told her to fuck off but no he had to go over there and load up all of her crap, and it really is crap. So I went to the party by myself and he spent the evening with Stella and her crap. Now it's all here either in the back of my truck, in the driveway or in the garage.

My Bird

I don't like birds, thank you Alfred Hitchcock but an amazing thing happened to me this week with "my bird". I have been known to trim back the ivy in the courtyard so much that the old bird nests just had to go. I did that to prevent the advent of baby birds that have hopped around the patio to just end up dead because of the heat and lack of attention from their parents.

Well, a little over a week ago there was another baby bird hopping around because he had fallen out of his nest. At first I thought "oh great I'll be scooping his body up in a day or so" BUT, this one seemed a little bit bigger then those that died before him so I don't know what possessed me but I gave him a little dried bread. My bird tried to eat it but had some problems but then what twisted my heart was his mom flew down and started feeding him the food I left on the ground. It was so sweet I thought that if his mom wasn't going to give up on him either was I. I left the hose dripping a little water all the time and every day and night I would go out and feed my bird.

It was amazing that my bird started to know who I was and what I was doing. His instinct told him to keep his distance but every day when I was feeding him he would come up and eat with me watching him. He wasn't afraid of me and I think welcomed my being there.

So now more then a week later my bird showed me that he is learning to fly. Tonight I went out on the patio and he flew up from the ivy to a planter. From there he flew on top of the barbecue and just sat there looking at me like, "look at me, I'm flying." He then flew behind the hot tub where I have been feeding him and gave him some more food and water. My wish is I won't see him any more and that he is flying around but won't make his nest in my courtyard next year.

I am a proud Papa.

Sunflower

Wow, it's been a long time since I've written but so much has happened. Ever since Tom told me I need to get a job I've been looking but not as hard as I should have. Last month Kal told me that Sunflower was opening a new store and you could apply online for positions. I though what the hell, I had applied at both the Lomas and San Mateo stores but heard nothing so why not the new one? I put the application in on a Monday and on Wednesday I got a call to meet with Kathryn at the store in Corrales on Friday. I thought the interview went well and that I answered her questions in a professional manner and was happy about how things went. We went up to Colorado to see Barbara over Mothers Day and came home on Monday where I had a message to call Liz at Sunflower for a phone interview. We played phone tag for awhile but my Wednesday we finally talked. She told me I was being considered for the position of events coordinator for the store which really excited me. I was thrilled that after all these years of not working that I could make the impression for a "titled" position and I really thought I could do a good job at that position.

Unfortunately I got a call a couple of days later and was informed that they gave that position to someone else but offered me a full time cashier position. I jumped on it and was informed that training would start the week of May 17. I actually had my orientation on May 13 which is my "starting date" and then realized that life at 4138 Coe Dr. would never be the same again.

The two weeks of training were alright, we met everyday at 8am to 5pm. The mornings were for cashier training and the afternoons were for setting up the store which sucked. The cashier training was mainly focused on the produce codes and some actual work on the cashiers. There wasn't enough time focused on the actual day to day encounters like the refunds / exchanges that take place. Even now that I'm starting my 9th day of work in a row this morning that is one area that I think really need some attention.

Training ended on May 28 (the 11th anniversary of dad's passing) and we got what will probably be the last 3 day weekend of our working lives. We had our traditional BBQ on Sunday and then Kal had to work on Monday which really sucked. Tuesday the 1st was the stores soft opening and I had to be there at 7am. It wasn't real busy but enough to keep me on my toes for the grand opening the next day.

Grand Opening! Wednesday, June 2 was the grand opening and everyone had to be there at 6:30am. There was already over 200 people in line to get their free bag of groceries and other goodies when the doors opened at 7am. There were people there helping with the produce codes and bagging and the day went well but I was pretty exhausted by the time I got home. The initial schedule had me there every morning at 7am through Sat. then the new schedule had me working every day either at 8am or 9am through Thursday which meant NINE fricking days in a row of working with today being day 9 with the crazy hours of 9:30am to 3pm.

OK, this all sounds alright until the actual working took place where there are a lot of things that really need attention and changing or this won't be the place I imagined.

Barbara

After writing about my mom and sharing it with some friends, Lindy told me I should write something about Barbara. As I wrote before, Barbara was such a love and support to me during the horrendous time of moms time in the hospital and her passing. It was pretty much this time that she adopted me and she became my second mom.

Fats was having problems with his breathing and it was getting worse. A few months after the funeral Barbara called me and told me they had taken Fats to the hospital and asked me if I could pick her up and take me there which I did of course. We were told he was in ICU and as we were heading there it was getting harder and harder for me to walk toward the door leading into the area because I had been there so many times and had gone in there so many times before when mom was there. We walked in and they told us what room he was in. Out of 9 rooms they had there what were the chances they put him into the same room mom was in the whole time, the same room she died in. I remember I really didn't see Fats laying there, I was just looking around the room the whole time. I think he only had to spend a couple of days in the hospital before he got to go home.

In Sept. 00, I was at work and got a call from Barbara's next door neighbor who informed me that Fats died and was wondering if I could come over. Barbara and Fats had their own rooms for years and I guess Fats got up in the night to go to the bathroom and collapsed and died right away. By the time I got to her house the paramedics had his body in the ambulance and were about ready to leave. I think Barbara was pretty much in a state of shock and was going about doing things like she does every morning. I'm not clear on the "what came first" order of things but I do remember kind of taking charge until Gail got there. I notified the funeral home, had Barbara start calling her family and even started writing his obituary. By late afternoon Gail and Steve had gotten there so I let them take over because it was starting to really get to me since it had been less then 6 months after mom passed away.

I kept tabs on Barbara by calling her every so often and visa versa. She had me come over to get her Christmas decorations out and helped get her a tree and decorate it. Then when the time came I helped her take it down and put everything away. In the spring we went out looking for flowers for her to plant in her planters and yard. We went from nursery to nursery looking for petunias that had "fragrance". I got them planted for her, cleaned out her fountain and swept the patio so she could get ready for spring. Then there was the time when she bought a Bow Flex and I got the honor to set it up for her in the back bedroom. That only took most of the day but she got some pleasure from it.

In the meantime I had met Kal at a New Years Eve party in Denver and we were starting to see each other. Although he was in Albuquerque and I was in Fort Collins one of us would make the trip up and down I-25 to see each other.

Easter in 2001 was in April and Barbara and I flew to Charlotte to see Wendy and the girls and celebrate Wendy's birthday as well. We spent a few nights in Charlotte and then drove down to Charleston, SC for a few nights too. We had a nice time except for the times we had to spend with Joel but that's another story. They all gave me a hard time because Kal and I were phoning each other at least twice a day, usually more. Of course every night ended up with a card game which was Barbara's signature item of pleasure.

There was one day that I will never forget and it was the year anniversary of mom's passing. Barbara didn't want me to be alone and asked me if I wanted to go out to dinner with her and see a show at the Lincoln Center. I think it was A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum. We went to Pobre Pancho's for Mexican food and I couldn't believe that on the way out of the restaurant we ran into Dr. Guadanaoli, the creep that did my mom's heart surgery. Of all days to run into him, that was unbelievable. We went to the show and our seats were literally in the very last row at the end. It didn't matter to me, what mattered was being with Barbara.

We had decided that Kal was going to take a week off and come up to Colorado for his birthday. I thought this would be the perfect time to take the "Barbara Test". If I was going to get into another relationship, whoever it was going to be had to meet Barbara and get her endorsement. So Kal met us at the airport when we flew back from Charlotte. He was tired so I drove home and Barbara was in the back seat crocheting and talking. I would hear her voice in the back seat, "So Kal, did Kevin ever tell you the time when Keith was four years old and ... ..." When he said no, she proceeded to tell the whole story in her great detail. When we got Barbara back to her house she took Kal down the hall way of photographs and told him who everyone was and a little story about it too. He was so gracious and kind to her which I greatly appreciated so long story short, Kal passed the "Barbara Test."

About a month later I made the decision to move to Albuquerque to be with Kal. Needless to say Barbara was happy for me but at the same time very sad that I was going to leave.

Birthday month and other April musings

Well, birthday month has started. Francine's birthday was on Mar. 31 and we haven't done anything yet except for going out to lunch the other day. I guess the "party" is going to be this Sat. the 10th. Kal's birthday is the 17 and I don't know what he wants to do. Quiet sounds good to me but I'm sure not for him. Eric's at the end of the month so it's too soon to worry about that one yet.

Easter was yesterday and Kal and I went to the sunrise service at church. It really takes away from the service when Kal continually peers over his shoulder thinking his mom is going to walk in at any moment. She is always late and thinks nothing of it. I think she believes it is cute and funny but it isn't.

Then there was the "Primo" bull shit. A few weeks ago Kal decided to offer Primo the olive branch and open up communications with him again. Less then a week after the initial phone call Primo asked Kal to give him a reference for an apartment he was trying to rent. Kal lied for him and told them he paid his bills on time blah blah. Then Kal asked me if it was alright with me if we asked Primo over for breakfast on Easter. I agreed and Kal called him up. From what I understand he hemmed and hawed and told Kal he would call him back later. When he did call Kal was in the bathroom so I picked up the phone. After a hesitation Primo said, "Hi Kevin this is Art can I talk to my primo?" That's it, nothing more, nothing less so I handed the phone to Kal. That ungrateful mother fucker told Kal that he didn't want to come over for breakfast because he would feel uncomfortable in our house but wanted to get together with Kal alone sometime for lunch or something. What that said to me is he didn't want to see me because I'm sure he thinks I am the one behind not letting him move back into our house two years ago. Well, long story short, he will not come over to our house ever again and I don't care if I never see him again.

They moved Francine's birthday party to Sat. the 10th and we had to go to their house. They said "no presents" but we decided to get her a Walmart gift card which I think is a good present. When it came to present time it was more then awkward when Tina gave Francine 10 Betty Boop gifts when the rest of us were told to bring nothing but using my favorite word whatever.

Kal gets so weirded out during "birthday month", he thought Eric was bitching to him about what we got Francine so he goes online and orders a $50 Betty Boop cookie jar to go with the $25 gift card making our "no presents" total $75 just to look good as far as I am concerned. Eric called me and asked if we were getting Francine something else for her birthday and since I had no idea Kal ordered this I told him no. Communication Boys! I really don't know who to believe, Kal says she is expecting more, Eric says keep it for Christmas (I agree) but just relax.

I started asking some of our friends and neighbors to come over to our house for Kal's birthday on the 17th. Since it was a Saturday it worked out well and decided to have a pot luck party for him at around 4 in the afternoon. I made Barbara's Block Party Beans for the meat eaters and chili relleno casserole for the vegies. Of all the dishes the relleno casserole went over the best (patting myself on the back). Nice group, very relaxed and I think everyone had a good time. No Drama! Yea! The only negative and this is my own personal opinion is that Eric and Francine should have gone with the "no present" rule because what they gave him is hid-day-oso. It is a Star Trek lamp with the Enterprise that rotates in front of a mirror and the shade is black with space ships, stars and the logo Star Trek in big letters on the front and back of it. I have no earthly (pun intended) idea where to put it. Maybe a different shade will help, I don't know.

10 years ago

In loving memory of my mom, Carolyn Sue Brackenbury McCoy
November 6, 1931 - March 29, 2000


Ten years ago this month, March, 2000 was the cumulation of the shittist period of my live. I don't know why but I feel the need to put down in words some of the feelings of what happened. Most of the memories are so vivid it seems like it just happened last week but then some of the things I thought I'd never forget I think I have.

It hadn't even been ten months since dad died and I had only been in my own house 16 months after splitting from Walt and now all of a sudden (it seems like) mom was going to have to go have two heart valves replaced. This is one of those "fuzzy" times when I wonder why the hell wasn't I more proactive with mom and go to her doctor appointments with her like when I went to the oncologist for dad? They tell her she needs the operation, she tells me and I just went along with it. I'm still perplexed why I didn't take her by the hand and get second and third opinions, it is her heart they wanted to go in and operate on but I didn't do it and it is something I'm going to have to live with for the rest of my life.

It's one of those things you can look back and see the signs were there but weren't read. I think mom was having heart problems years before the surgery but nothing was done. Mom and dad were taking a golf group to Mexico and the flight from Denver to LAX was delayed making their international connection nearly impossible. Mom said she got shin splints running to the plane and therefore had to walk but I think now that her heart wouldn't let her move quickly. Then it was only a couple of months after that when dad was diagnosed with cancer and she spent every moment focused on dad and not herself. She was convinced they were going to beat the cancer with the treatments and this special tea someone told her cured cancer. Taking care and worrying about dad was taking a toll on mom's health but since all of us were so worried about dad as well we didn't even think something could be wrong with mom.

I went with mom and dad to the oncologist the first part of May when the doctor told us they could "try" a very aggressive but unproven treatment that may not do anything for him or we could take dad home and make the next three or so weeks as comfortable for him as possible and to think about contacting hospice. Mom made me contact the doctor again to see if what he told us was what we heard and of course it was. Then the thought of calling hospice just about put mom over the edge. "I don't need hospice." Hospice is for people who are going to die." She fought it for a couple of days until agreeing to have them come over and I think that actually it was a relief to have them.

As the days were going by we were watching dad getting weaker and weaker until one day he said he didn't want to be in the family room any more and was ready to just stay in the hospital bed we had brought in. Dad was there only about a week before he passed away peacefully on May 28, 99. We were all numb that day but I had contacted the funeral home a few days earlier and had gotten the ball rolling. Barbara and Fats had come over to the house and we decided to order pizza for dinner that night. Mom was so annoyed that Barbara had her call the pizza place and put in the order. That's another of those what was I thinking about moments because I could see how irritated mom was clearly not wanting to talk to them on the phone and I just sat there with everyone else just looking at her.

Mom probably could have done without having a funeral at all but we all knew that wasn't an option. We had the funeral on June 1 and we got through the after funeral gathering at the house that afternoon. It was only a day or two after the funeral mom had Wendy and me go through dad's closet and get rid of his things. She didn't want his clothes there so we took care of that for her.

Just a few days after dad's funeral was mom and dad's 46th wedding anniversary and during that same weekend was their 50th high school reunion. Mom was understandingly upset and people were trying to comfort her. Many believed as I did too, that she was a strong woman and could get through this. Oh no! Whenever anyone said, "oh Carolyn, you are so strong." mom would just about lose it saying she wasn't strong and why do these people keep telling her that. This is another one of those "when I look back" moments that should have told us there was something very wrong with mom and her health but we just didn't see it.

The weeks after that were visibly hard for mom going to the bank, the lawyers office and even the DMV causing her and her heart more and more strain. If there was any good time of year for dad to pass away I guess it would have been the beginning of summer because Wendy and the kids could spend this time with her. The day they went home was very sad for mom. I took them to the airport and came right back to be with her and made plans to have dinner with her that night.

In Oct. mom and I flew to Monterey with Barbara and Fats for the Raddatz meeting and we had to change planes in LAX. We had to go to the commuter plane terminal and it was a pretty tight connection. We were walking fairly quickly down the concourse and I kept looking back at mom grabbing the rail and saying things like we don't need to run. I told Barbara and Fats to go on and we would be there as soon as we could. I had never seen this side of my mom. Mom was always the one who we had to keep up with whether it be tennis, skiing or anything so I couldn't imagine why she wasn't able to up the pace a little quicker.

Mom went to La Jolla the first part of March for a couple of weeks with Barbara and Fats which I was happy about. I didn't like hearing that she couldn't finish a round of golf or that she couldn't walk down to Shell Beach, that just wasn't like her. She came home with about a week to go before going into the hospital and I would go over to her house most every evening. I was to take her into the hospital on Tuesday so it was that Monday night dinner I'll never forget. We couldn't just sit there and visit, no mom wanted to take me through the house to show me where the keys were to the safe deposit box, the combination to the vault in the house, all her legal paperwork and even gave me her password to her computer so I could write an email to everyone in her address book to let them know how everything went with the surgery. I was horribly uncomfortable and I kept telling her she didn't need to do this because everything was going to be alright and she was going to be home soon.

I picked her up on Tuesday afternoon to take her to the hospital because they wanted her to spend the night there before her surgery. They went through the intake and took her to her room and I told her I was going back to her house to get Murphy to take over to my house. She told me to not bother to come back that night because Barbara and Fats were going to come over and she just wanted to rest and be alone. This is another one of my "why the hell did I listen to her" moments, I should have gone back but I didn't. From the sounds of things it was pretty hectic with the nurses and Barbara there trying to get the TV just right. I did call her and told her I'd be there the next morning.

Early Wednesday morning I was there in pre-op and Fr. Bacon came to bless her prior to her surgery. She seemed pretty calm and now I was the one who was getting nervous. The nurses escorted me to a private waiting room that had a TV where I could wait. Barbara came to stay with me and so did mom's friend Joyce Everett. Barbara and Joyce talked to each other but I just sort of blankly watched the TV waiting for a nurse to come in every hour or so with an update. The surgery lasted over four hours before Dr. Guadagnoli, whom I'll come to hate later, came in to talk to me. He told me that everything went well and they will need to keep "her under" for the day and night before bringing her up the next morning which he said was standard procedure.

Feeling relieved I went to mom's house and signed on to her computer and wrote everyone on her address list a note telling them what the doctor told me. I wish I had waited to do that because I couldn't have been more wrong. I didn't go to the hospital that evening because mom was under sedation and I wanted to be there the next morning when the brought her up from the drugs, so I went home.

The next morning, Thursday, I went to the hospital where she was in ER. They had just brought her up and when she saw me said "Hi Kev." in a pretty weak voice. I told her that Barbara wanted to come and see her but she told me she didn't want her to see her looking like this plus she really didn't want visitors. I told her I'd tell Barbara but that I would come over after work and have dinner with her in her room. I had mom's Lincoln and dropped it off at the Goodyear store to have new tires put on because they were pretty bad and then walked to work.

It was about 10am and I was on a call at work when Marg told me the hospital was on the line and they needed to talk to me right away. I got on the phone and I don't remember if it was the doctor or his nurse but they told me mom had gone into respiratory attack and they and to put her under again to control her breathing. I told them I'd be over right away then did this panic dance around the office because the car was in the shop and I had to go and what will I do. Marg told me to take her car and she would get it later so I took off for the hospital. It was like one of those movies in slow motion driving to the hospital and then I couldn't find a parking place. When I finally did and started going into the hospital I couldn't see or hear anything I just went through this tunnel to get to the ER.

I got there and Dr. Guadagnoli was trying to tell me what happened in typical doctor lingo but the long and short of it was he didn't know why this happened and this shouldn't have happened bull. Finally his recommendation was to take mom into surgery again and see what went wrong and I of course agreed because I sure didn't have any other options for them to explore. I don't remember how it happened but somehow Marg got her car back and I got mom's car by that afternoon when the surgery was to start.

Bless Barbara and Fat's hearts they came to the hospital, this time no private room but the general ER waiting room to sit with me for this surgery. It was late afternoon or early evening when they got started on another four hour plus operation. Fats brought sandwiches and Barbara brought her cards that would get us through many hours during days to come. When they finally came out of the operating they told me that they couldn't find out why mom went into the respiratory attack and that it was a mystery to them. Great. They wanted to observe her for at least 24 hours to see if there was any change one way or another. I was so exhausted I went home to crash.

The next morning when I went to the hospital to check on her they told me there had been no change in her status. They did inform me though that they hadn't closed her up and were keeping an eye on her. The rest of the day is pretty much fuzzy until that evening when I talked to Guadagnoli. His recommendation was to go for a third surgery and replace the third heart valve. He told me they could get mom into surgery the next day, Saturday, around noon. Guadagnoli then said to me, "you have a sister that lives out of state, I think you need to call and have her get here as soon as possible." I'm thinking to myself this isn't a good thing.

It was past 10 when I got home with my head reeling about what the doctor had just told me. I thought about calling Wendy and thought to myself what good would it be to wake her up and both of us not being able to sleep so I thought I'd wait until it was after 7 her time. Why? I don't know it just is what I thought. So I tried to sleep and every time I looked at my clock I kept thinking 1 here, 3 there, 2:30 here, 4:30 there, all night long. Finally it was 5:30 and I thought OK it's 7:30 in Charlotte I guess I can call now and when I did I couldn't believe I got her answering machine so I left her a message to call me back as soon as possible.

Luckily, it wasn't too long before Wendy called me back and to tell you the truth I really don't know just how I told her the news. She told me I sounded kind of wishy washy about the whole thing and that she had to pry the information out of me. I told her to call US Airways and get out here on the next flight. I also told her I couldn't pick her up so maybe she should take the shuttle up to Ft. Collins. After that the fog sort of set in again and the next thing I remember about the day was being at the hospital again. Joyce Everett who sat with me during the first surgery was there and I told her about Wendy coming in and she told me that she and her husband Bob would go to Denver to pick her up which I was grateful.

So there once again my poor mom was going in for her third major surgery in four days and there once again was me having to sit and wait for another four excruciating hours not knowing what was going on. Mom was still in surgery when Wendy got to the hospital in her state of shock of what's going on and wondering what is so bad the doctor thought she should fly across the country with just a bag of clothes she threw together before leaving her house.

Once again Barbara and Fats were there as was my dear friend Dan and Fr. Bacon who had been keeping tabs with me. Dick and Sue had come back from their trip to California were there too with all of us just sort of blank. Barbara was trying to get everyone to play a card game and those who did really weren't into it. Finally, Guadagnoli came in to talk to us and we had a Scooby Doo moment when we all go Huhhhh?? He told us they went in to replace the third valve and once in there found a hole in mom's heart. They went in and repaired the hole and then replaced the valve but were concerned and felt they still needed to leave her "opened up". I hated that and it really freaked me out. I couldn't get it out of my mind every time I saw her she was laying there that her chest was opened up. I didn't get this and that goon Guadagnoli could never give me an explanation that made sense to me. Bringing me to another one of those "why didn't I do more moments", why didn't I grab his jacket and tell him to explain it to me like I was in fifth grade so maybe it would be clear, but I didn't.

So begins the vigil. Wendy and I went in to see her and my heart started breaking. Our active funny mom who always got everyone to go swimming at the Cove or go out to go sledding was laying there in the ER room with machines all around her and tubes in her arms, nose and mouth. We both did the "hi mom" and talking to her about getting out of here and getting well but it was so hard, so hard. We talked to ourselves and decided to go out to the waiting room to tell Barbara and Dick that we thought it was best they didn't go in and see mom. The only reason we did this was because one of the last things mom said before going into respiratory attack was she didn't want Barbara to see her like this, and that was when she was supposedly getting well. Mom was a very proud woman and I don't think she would have wanted Wendy and me to see her like this either. Deep down I was thinking if this was the end for mom I don't want to hear stories from Barbara or Dick about what they thought of her in that bed and I think I wanted them to have the memories of our beautiful mother the way she was in life.

Wendy wanted to spend the night in the hospital and asked me if I wanted to stay to. This is not one of my regrets and I told her I didn't want to stay, I had been there enough the last few days so I left her and went home. I do remember I had a number of vodka tonics that night and crashed as I had never been so exhausted as I was then.

Thank god I didn't stay at the hospital because poor Wendy got awakened the next morning by Walt who decided maybe this would be a good time to make points with the family after all the shit he put me through with our break up. As my dad said once about Walt, "I pity him because he is just so pitiful." He was right because this really wasn't the time to hear him say how sorry he was about what happened to us blah blah. Thinking back now it was another one of his sick narcissistic attempts to make it all about him again and thank goodness I just sort of blocked him and focused on what needed to be done for today because I couldn't do anything about yesterday and tomorrow was too far away.

The next few days were spent with Wendy and me going back and forth from mom's room back to the waiting room. There was the morning and afternoon updates from Guadagnoli with our blank looks. Once again, thank goodness I had Dan with me to be my ears when he talked to us. Dan would recap everything for me because I just couldn't focus. One of the funniest times I'll never forget was one day when Fr. Bacon came to the hospital on one of his numerous visits. Barbara was sitting at the table always looking for someone to play cards with her. She asked Fr. Bacon if he wanted to play and he tried to decline her offer. It just isn't that easy to turn Barbara down and before long he was sitting at the table with cards in his hands.

Barbara: So Fr. Bacon, where did you grow up?
Fr. B: Iowa.
Barbara: Did you grow up on a farm?
Fr. B: No but my grandparents lived on a farm.
Barbara: Did you love going to visit them?
Fr. B: No. They put me on a horse once and I cried.
Barbara: Well, what else didn't you like about it?
Fr. B: I couldn't stand the smell of the feed.

At this point Barbara calls across the waiting room: Fat's, when you were growing up on the farm did you not like the smell of feed?

Fats: I didn't have time to think about it Dolly.

Then there was the lunch with Robyn. Robyn Warren lived across the street from us when we were growing up and her father was a patient of Guadagnoli's. Robyn and Dan joined Wendy and me for lunch in the hospital cafeteria and she told us her horror story about her dad and his experience with Guadagnoli. There were issues with insurance and his wanting to keeping Robyn's dad alive. That is until the day the insurance ran out and then he was allowed to be taken off life support. The horrors the Warrens went through were awful and we weren't sure what we would do if we were put in this situation.

Robyn and Dan told us to open up a conversation with Guadagnoli and have him spell out for us the realistic options or as I refer to it is give us the "At Best" scenario of mom's condition. It's funny because I remember the "at best" almost verbatim but Wendy years later couldn't remember a thing he told us, so her it goes.

He told us; "At Best" they couldn't say for sure how long mom would be in this state or how long it could be before she was strong enough to be closed up. While she was opened up there was a greater chance of infection which could be worse then what she was going through with her surgerys. Then when the time came that she could be closed up she most likely would have to spend weeks to months in the emergency room. Once stronger, they could move her to the heart floor where once again she would have to spend weeks to months there. After leaving the heart floor there would have to be years of rehab and there is no way to tell how much brain damage could have occurred during this whole procedure. He couldn't tell us for sure if mom would be able to function as before or even walk again. There were just to many unknowns. If this was the "At Best" what would happen if all this good news didn't happen? Plus just looking at that woman in that bed we know that wasn't our mom. The woman laying there was so swollen up and puffy from all the I.V. liquids that were flowing through her. I remember looking at her and thinking the only thing that looks or reminds me of our mom was the finger nail polish she had on. That was it. This was not our mom and this is not what our mom would want us to have her go through.

After hearing this Wendy and I went out to talk to Barbara and Dick and let them know what Guadagnoli told us. Mom had made it clear to Wendy and me years ago that she never wanted to be "kept alive" or do any heroic efforts to just keep her living. She let us know the difference about being alive and living and we were clear the "at best" was nothing she would have wanted. Barbara and Dick knew this too so we told them that unless there was a miracle overnight that we were going to take mom off life support the next day. They agreed with us and told us they didn't think any less of us for making that decision.

After a restless night I met Wendy first thing at the hospital because we had a meeting with Guadagnoli and were going to tell him we wanted to take mom off of the life support system. We got there and Wendy told me that she couldn't talk to him and wanted me to tell him of our decision. Guadagnoli started in right away with maybe we could do this or that and blah blah but I had to stop him and said that after thinking about his "at best" scenario we couldn't let mom go through that and wanted to take her off of the machines. He really didn't try to talk me out of it and agreed to meet us in her room at 8:am. I went over to Wendy to tell her what Guadagnoli said to me when lo and behold who should walk in but Walt. This is the best thing I ever did when it came to my dealing with him in sixteen years was I took him by the arm and led him to a quiet corner. I told him that this morning was not a good morning for him to be here at the hospital and I asked him very calmly to please leave because this day was for family only. I had never been that firm with him and it felt good.

8:am came and we met Guadagnol in mom's room. He at least had the decency to not try to talk us out of our decision because we were thinking of Robyn's dad and Guadagnoli keeping him alive just to keep receiving insurance money. Guadagnoli told us what he was doing and what to expect. After a few minutes they left Wendy and me alone with mom and we kept holding her hand and talking to her. I would sit on the floor and just look at her in this bed with a million thoughts running through my head. Is this really the right thing? Mom is going to die right in front of me. What will happen next? Oh, my god another funeral to plan just 10 months after dad died. Why didn't I do more early on? What could we have done differently to not be here right now?

Two hours later they came back in the room to let us know it was over. That was it. I never saw one bit of difference in her from 8:am until now so in some sort of way it occurred to me that mom had been gone long before this and that gave me a little peace. We went out to tell Barbara and Dick that their little sister had passed away. Dan was there as he had been all week and Fr. Bacon came to give mom her last rites.

We weren't crying (yet) but were just numb.

It wouldn't hit me for awhile just what happened.

Mom had in her directive that she would donate any organs needed upon her death that could be used for others so we let the hospital know this was what she wanted. Meanwhile Wendy and I went over to Barbara and Fat's house to plan what needed to be done next. Barbara had her cheap ass friend Ash go to Wendy's to get everyone some burgers and he came back with those tiny $1.00 burgers and a few fries. I can't believe what we got done that afternoon, here's kind of a check list:

Called the funeral home to have someone come over.
Set the date and place for the funeral.
Wrote mom's obituary and got a picture to the paper before their deadline.
Called family and friends.
Got reservations for Joel and the girls to fly out.
Met and visited with people who came by the house.

One of those who came by was Barbara's friend Sun from Korea. Wendy had never met her and Sun started crying hysterically in front of Wendy with her tears flying all around. She was saying she should have had Carolyn over to her house more for dinner. Barbara was funny saying, "Yes Sun, Carolyn always was saying I wish Sun would have had me over to her house more." We had to have a few smiles that day.

I got a call from the hospital later that afternoon telling me that none of mom's organs could be used for donations because all the fluids they had pumped into her had damaged them too badly. Initially shocked to hear this it confirmed my belief that what we did by taking mom off of life support was the right thing for her.

Mom died on a Wednesday and the funeral was on Saturday, April 1 (what a cruel April's fool) and the time between really to this day is still a blur. I know we went to the funeral home, talked to Fr. Bacon about the service, met with people who came by and those who came from out of town like Char. Char Dooley was mom's best friend since childhood and she drove up from Santa Fe again like she did for dad's funeral. Chars true impact would be felt a few months later when she came back to Ft. Collins to help Wendy and me go through mom and dad's house.

The funeral went smoothly except Wendy was a mess. They had us walk up to the front row in front of everyone seated and Wendy was just sobbing. The service started with Fr. Bacon talking directly to Kelsey and Maddie about what happened, their feelings and how it was alright to be sad and alright to cry. Instead of the traditional eulogy we did the same thing that we did for dad's service and had certain people write their own letters of memories about mom and had Dan Michaels read them. Finally it was over and everyone came over to mom's house for food, drinks and memories.

Here are a few thought I have about some people I have written about presented in no particular order.

Barbara. I really couldn't have gotten through the week without her and it just sort of happened that during this time she became my second mom. Barbara was always up and tried to keep our minds occupied by playing her card games. There was this one game where the point was to discard all of your cards into various suits and runs placed down on the table. We could always tell when Barbara was about to "go out" and discard everything because there was a little ritual that took place. First there was the scanning of the cards on the table with glances up and down into her hand. Next she would scoot her chair a little closer to the table and put on her glasses that were hanging around her neck on. Finally she would stand up and start placing her cards everywhere on the table until she played the last one with a little chuckle and proclaim "OUT!" Barbara took Wendy into her house and let us use it as our base during everything that was going on and was always there to listen and be there for us. Barbara is a blessing.

Fats. He was quietly there with us the whole time too offering his support and love. Little could we have known that six months later good ol Fatsie would pass away too.

Dan. My very best friend who was there with me nearly the entire time we were going through this. As I mentioned earlier, he was my ears, my tape recorder and the only one who could objectively give me the advice I so needed. Many times he told me to come outside with him and walk around because he knew I couldn't stay in that waiting room all the time. Thank you thank you Dan. When you look up the word friend in the dictionary it says; "see Dan".

Fr. Bacon. Not only just a compassionate priest but a friend as well. Neither of my parents were religious and I know the only reason Fr. B was there so much was because of me. He truly was a follower of Christ unlike so many of those who proclaim to be "christian". I believe he had come into my life to fulfill my spiritual being.

Robyn. I hated having to hear what she was telling us about Guadagnoli and her experience with him but it really had to be told. I'm sure it was hard for her to relive this but am thankful she did.

Wendy. It would have been nice to have had her with me the entire time of this ordeal. Maybe between the two of us one would have gone with mom to Guadagnoli's office and got more information. I felt badly for her though when she called mom the night before her surgery and mom told her that if she didn't make it Wendy had to promise her she would divorce Joel. Put that one in the shudda woulda coulda column. With dad's passing in May and mom in March Wendy had to experience her first birthday without both parents less then two weeks after mom's passing.

Guadagnoli. I don't think he went in with the idea that mom couldn't make it through the initial surgery but I don't think he is totally ethical either. I always sensed a lack of concern from him. It could have been that is his personalty or that doctors have to separate themselves emotionally from their patients but being icy cold doesn't endure yourself to him at all. After hearing what Robyn went though and later what Sheldon had to face with Guadagnoli when Fr. Bacon had his heart attack and later passed away I would never let him near me or anyone I love with a scalpel. People say we should have sued him but at that point in time the thought of going through what we had just gone through all over again in court made me nauseous and in the end, mom would still be dead.

Of course there were others that made an impact during that horrible time but these are the ones who "POP" still ten years later.

Mom, even though it has been ten long years since you left us, you are still alive in my heart every single day. I miss you and dad so much and wonder how different my life would have been if the surgery were successful. I still have a much easier time reconciling dad's passing then yours. Dad had cancer and there was nothing that could have changed that but maybe we could have done something different with you. Dad was able to pass at home and be aware of his surroundings but I hated that you had to be in that awful ICU room under sedation with your chest opened up. I see some people who have there mothers still in their lives and am jealous of them. I wonder why this had to happen to me and used to be mad but now I've moved past that to be just being sad. Most of all though I am so happy that you were my mom and I love you very much.

Sick week

Oh no! It started out last Sunday when Kal said he didn't feel good. Crap, when he gets sick he doesn't try to hide it at all. Not saying he's a drama queen but he always seems to be a little sicker when he is talking to someone on the phone. The voice is deeper and the coughs are more frequent then when it is just the two of us together. The worst part is trying to get him to rest because it just doesn't happen. Instead of trying to go back to sleep at night he has to get up and go into the other room. I think I have finally realized this is how he works so rather then beg him to come back to bed I'm now letting him be. I did throw a blanket on top of him, OK it was the big towel but it was thick and long.

Sadly though my comment about "I never get sick" was put to task and I got sick on Tuesday. The coughing was getting worse, my head hurt and my body ached. I even got a temperature of nearly 101 which is huge for me. I usually don't even hit the normal spot on the thermometer. Wednesday and Thursday were a total waste for me. I would go back to bed in the morning and then again in the afternoon then was exhausted by 10:00.

One good thing about the sick week was we were pretty much MIL free. It started the Thursday before when Kal told her we weren't going to be home when in fact I was home but Kal went to his brothers house for "prayer night" (another story). Friday she called and said she was going to have dinner with the girls in Los Lunas. Saturday we had Tom and Joe over for dinner so we told her not to come over until later since Tom can't stand her. When the guys left, Kal called her but she was too tired. Sunday was day one of sick week so we didn't go to church but she did come over to shove food down her throat and leave. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday we told her we were too sick and "didn't want her to catch our crud". I guess she couldn't fend for herself any more so she started coming over again. She had a tooth extracted on Friday and came in holding her chin moaning and not talking. I warmed up my famous cream of asparagus soup and the only thing out of her mouth when she finished eating was that it was cold. Last night during the Oscars she showed up and didn't bother to say anything to me until she left when she said good bye.

It's now Monday and we both have the cough but need to get on with it so here we go.

25 Random Things

A while back there was a thing in Facebook where people posted 25 random things about themselves. Here is my list.

25 Random Things

1. I haven’t gone downhill skiing in years.
2. I listen to too much political radio on both sides and yell at my radio when Sean Hannity is on the air.
3. My sister can be a nut job.
4. I really love my home and neighborhood.
5. I don’t know if I will ever like Kal’s mom.
6. I want to start riding my bike more this spring and drop some pounds.
7. I thank God I found the church that I did.
8. I have four anniversaries 01-01-01 the day we met, 06-07-01 the day we moved in together, 03-02-04 our first marriage in San Francisco (null and void) and 09-17-08 our second marriage in San Francisco (still valid).
9. Summer is my favorite season and winter is my least favorite.
10. I still really miss my parents and realize I always will.
11. Sometimes I wish we could live on an island but would have to have plumbing and electricity.
12. I really love my Westies.
13. I really don’t miss Colorado I have so many friends in Albuquerque.
14. I wish Star Trek was never developed so Kal wouldn’t have the need to go to their conventions.
15. I am too controlling.
16. Why don’t places like to hire people who are in their 50s?
17. There is dysfunction in every family, some more then others.
18. I wish I could swim in the ocean on my private island every day.
19. Cooking is one of my favorite things to do.
20. Eating (sadly) is probably my second favorite thing to do.
21. Only a handful of people know exactly where and how Kal and I met.
22. Avitar was one of my favorite movies.
23. I worry too much.
24. I wonder why I can’t find any of my fraternity brothers on Facebook.
25. I’m a good person.

MILisms

>This is what I started to write in 2004 so just copied onto this post.

Where to start?

I had met Estella (aka Stella – Mil) a few times before moving to Albuquerque and I have to admit there either weren’t any red flags or I was just too horny for Kal to see them. The first thing I thought was rather odd was when I flew down for the weekend and we were going to go to Santa Fe. We were about ready to leave when Stella said we couldn’t go until we took her to Costco. She proceeded to stock up on her things and then expected Kal, to pay for everything. I thought this was very odd to me as my mom would always pay for her own things and usually offer to buy things for me.

Anyway, I moved here and don’t regret doing so but it has been a real challenge with Stella. She has become more and more nasty and mean and right now I really do not want to have anything to do with her but she won't and I guess can't go away. I have listed a few ditties to highlight just what kind of a person she really is.

Red Flags – too late.

Efren Sr. had heart surgery a few months before I moved and on the second night I was here the phone rang in the middle of the night. We think something has happened to his dad so we were a little panicked. The conversation I hear from Kal is something like this. “He’s in the hospital! What happened? What hospital?” Then it gets weird. “She’s in jail? What happened? What jail?’’ Stella got in an argument with her neighbors and threatened to assault their 14 year old boy. Neighbors call police, dad has heart palpations and Mil gets hauled off to jail. I’m thinking to myself right now, this isn’t normal to bail out your mother in law from jail. Years later when we talk about this is "well I never was charged." What part of that statement makes no sense whatsoever?

Holidays and other special occasions.

My first Thanksgiving here and I wanted to make it special for my new family. I worked for days buying the food, preparing the dishes and set the table with my great grandmother’s china and my mom’s crystal. A friend, Patty came from Denver and helped with the cooking and made special napkin rings and a beautiful centerpiece. After showing up one hour late Mil headed straight for the wine. We had a delicious dinner and went into the living room for coffee after. I was hoping for some sort of acknowledgment of thanks from Stella but nothing came out of her mouth. So in my search for compliments asked her what she thought of the dinner. The response was, “It was ok.”

Next month at Christmas, I tried it again with a prime rib dinner on Christmas Eve and a Christmas day brunch. Her sons lavished their parents with gifts and when the last present was opened I noticed Stella didn’t purchase one present or even a card for her husband or her sons.

In the three Christmas’ I have been here, there was only one time she bought a present for her son. He is 6 feet tall and about 200 pounds and she bought him a size “medium” sweater. She said she would take it back to the store which she did, but only to get credit on her card for it, not to exchange the sweater.

Last Christmas, once again, my spouse bought her many lovely presents to her none. This year though, not only did she take everything back to the store, she had her son drive her. Then she wanted the stores to put the items value on her credit card.

For her 50^th wedding anniversary, we threw her a dinner party with a few (of the remaining) friends she had at our house. I told her to come an hour before the party knowing she is always late but this time they came right on time. As usual, once she got here she proceeded right to the wine and as the night wore on got more and more drunk. She couldn’t say good bye to any of the guests because she went into the bathroom and threw up on herself.

On Mother’s Day we had Francine's mother and sister over for a brunch and as usual MIL was two hours late and came in a fowl mood. She expected her son’s to dish her plate, pour her some wine (again) then she proceeded to speak Spanish the entire time even though she speaks perfect English. Only her son’s could understand her and even at their pleading she wouldn’t quit.

Other fun (?) times

She tells, (doesn’t ask) us, to take her husband to the eye doctor which we do because he is nice and we like him. He informs us he hasn’t eaten all day, which we find is the rule rather then the exception so we take him to a restaurant for a bite to eat. She is running late for an appointment (is there a pattern here?) and we see her come storming into the restaurant with a crazed look on her face. Kal takes her gently by the arm to tell her what the eye doctor told him. She whirled around and screamed at the top of her lungs, “You’re hurting me. Take your hands off me.” Of course everyone in the restaurant has turned around and is looking at this. The manager came up and asked if everything was alright or if he needed to call the police. To that, she screamed once again to call the police and have them arrest her son. She then takes her husband’s cane and throws it at him and barks to him to get up and go with her. In the meantime I am going to the kitchen to ask them to make dad’s order to go.

Random thoughts

I think I'll keep this as an ongoing thing that I can just punch into.

1. If the object of your argument is your MIL and the things she does, is your MIL coming between you? I'd say yes to this one. This past weekend was pretty good except for two arguments and neither of them would have happened if it weren't for his mother. Sunday, we had to sneak off to the early service at church so we wouldn't have to go with Stella but Kal being Kal ended up calling her afterward to go to breakfast with us. No she couldn't just meet us there we had to drive out of our way to pick her up and when the bill came she made no effort whatsoever to pick it up or help us out with the tip. We dropped her off at her house and thought we would have the day to ourselves. Buahh ha ha, what the hell was I thinking? She calls with the, Mijo, take me to Costco B.S. which he does of course. It's her ploy to get him to end up paying for her stuff so I tell Kal to let her pay for her own things and not use the American Express because we need to pay off our credit cards.

Well, I must have been naive to think Kal could go to Costco and not buy anything, it's just impossible, it's not in his DNA makeup. He comes home and told me he put over $200 on the American Express and I hit the ceiling. He gives me this "excuse" that he had to because they wouldn't take his mom's check. Wrong! That's why we got her the membership so they would take her checks. Plus I asked him to not put it on the American Express and he did. He said his mom's portion was $100 which means he spent over $100 on things we couldn't live without, like $65 worth of DVDs. Thus the first argument of the weekend that wouldn't have taken place but did because of her. As I see it, if his mom never called to have him take her to Costco, he wouldn't have gone either and we wouldn't have put $200 on our card.

The second argument happened on Monday evening when, like usual I prepared enough food for three when the phone rings at 6:30 and she says she is going to stay in Los Lunas. I snap at Kal that I am over making, and wasting food for her whims. On one hand I should be happy she didn't come over but on the other hand I'm big on giving notice. If I had known earlier in the day she wasn't going to be there I could have gone through the afternoon happy and peaceful, but no she is always in the back of my head. I finally told Kal that was it, I'm sick of her coming over whenever the hell she wants at whatever time as well. I want a set schedule such as she comes and eats here on Mon., Wed., Fri. nights but we need one full weekend day from awakening to bedtime alone without seeing her at all. Plus, the nights we do ask her over she needs to be here when we eat, I'm tired of her strolling in whenever she wants and expects to be waited on. We eat at 6:30 period, if you aren't here, I guess you miss dinner. I really think I'm being generous with our time but I have yet to see Kal do or say anything to her about it.

Case in point she calls last night about 6:30 inquiring about what's for dinner tonight and what did we have last night blah blah and says to Kal she'll be over to eat. I told Kal, great, I have a few things I want to talk to her about concerning coming over but he told me not to say anything to her, that he would take care of it. I just wonder when this will happen.

Feb 23. OK it has been a week now since Kal told me he would take care of things and nothing yet. I'm still waiting. She still can come over whenever she wants to at night and no consequences. The other day was a crack up when she said since she came over all the time to eat our food she wanted to "pitch in" with some groceries. She brought over a 40 oz jar of ranch dressing and a cantaloupe. I fricken hate cantaloupes.

Geez, Kal told me last night that Tina wanted us to come over for another rosary for Eric and Francine on Thurs. It's less then two weeks since the last one so I graciously said no thank you, not this time. Besides its Survivor night.

This afternoon I asked Kal if his mother was going to go to the rosary and he told me that Eric didn't want her there because of the negative energy she brings. So I'm thinking to myself oh great, Kal is going to Eric's and I'm going to be here when MIL shows up. I guess I have to be honest and tell her that her Mijo is praying. What hypocrites, praying for the good but not everyone is allowed to come.